I know not what you want of me;
You wear a crimson cloak of love.
Beneath, on whorls and sweep of skin
I fear just comfort worn instead.

In brooding pools of brown water
I try to catch little fishes.
A slither and touch of passion
So quickly darts away to depth.

The fear catches you in your sleep;
As it does me, of being one.
Though are we not both one and two?
A sum in theory only.

You speak of past perfection lost
Which I live in the shadow of.
I am not her or the Lady
To whom the dagger came goading.

I speak not with a silver tongue
Wrought on South American shores;
Nor do I teach the tender minds
Of Bards of Poets or of love…

I am made of my own future
a mannequin made from my past
clothed in dreams and expectations
but they lie and I am naked.

I would take your scarred mind and heart
And wrap it in velvet or silk.
would pour ambrosia on lips
which would kiss but for memories.

But you relish the pain of loss
Licking wounds so they stay open.
You hold a crystal in your palm;
look for a Queen no longer yours.

Ashamed of a face once revered
this Gertrude is Ophelia
madness of not knowing intent;
grows to a dislike of oneself.

But thine love for you is truer
than memories of past Romeos.
I can be your muse and alight
the stage in your head with gold.

Your coldness increases with time
As a cup of Nan’s tea left spare;
Untouched it develops a skin
Drink deep whilst the steam still rises.

Put the fear in a box my Shakespeare
and allow this torch, this beacon
To lead you through the darkest time
In the distance lies love and I.

The essence of true love is sacrifice, to sacrifice oneself for love is the ultimate gift; to take such a gift for granted is wicked beyond reason.

320 AD Ireland.  Kingdom of Leinster.

When I’ve closed my eyes upon the world
Will you remember me?
Will your leaves unravel, a bud unfurled
Without me to see?

Will you spread your wings and soar on high
Without my laugh beside you?
Will you break down on knees and cry
Because I’m not there to share the view?

As you break your fast under mornings rays
Will you miss my conversation?
Will you see my face
As you start the days’ duration?

Will you smile at ghosts of memories
As they pass into your head
Will you hear my laughter on the breeze
Though find just a draught instead

If you feel the prick of mourning tears
Don’t give an inch or mile
For I’ll still be with you for all the years
You remember me with a smile

When your time grows short, there will be no pain
I’ll be there to mop your brow
And together then, we’ll walk the lane
Together, as before, as now.

I won’t give you the satisfaction of knowing
I won’t allow you to see me showing
Lack of valour
And weakness

I won’t let these walls contain my hurt
Education pointless as poison spurts
Like puss
From an open wound

I’ll wipe the shame of my fear away with my hand
And throw it to the playground floor and
Pretend
That I’m an amazon

I’ll ignore your groupies clapping
And I won’t walk faster with fear snapping
At heels
Like an angry dog

I won’t tell on you though you deserve it
And I’ll stay quiet, through your bullshit
I’ll cry
When I get home.

No stroke of face
Or grind
Of hips on hips

Just love…
And wires

But fingers dance
Over keys
Each jab a kiss

Sent through static
Under seas
Through earth and mist

Promised futures
And vows
Made with intent

To be together
In truth
Before life’s spent

Sleep comes unbidden
turn off
Portals of desire

To slumber and dream
Of just love…
no wire.

watched mountains fall at your feet.

I have been the sun on countless morns,

warmed your face with reflected heat.

Ravaged by the mask you wear

unadored; lonliness a friend.

The mask slips at times, and I am there

A shield maiden; and I’ll defend

you against those who’d harm

the fragility within your soul.

With sword held high in my arm

yours to command and control.

Father time attends my needs,

vows to give me back my pride.

One day, when your tyranny ends

I’ll be the Amazon I feel inside.

EXPENSIVE MALE SHOES FALL ON THE PLATFORM WITH A STEADY TAP TAP OF FOOTSTEPS. THE FEET ARE ENVELOPED IN A FOGGY MIST FLOWING UPWARDS FROM THE TRACK BELOW. BACKGROUND MUSIC IS MUFFLED ‘CHATANOOGA CHOO CHOO’ GLEN MILLER.
A SHARPLY TAILORED SUIT LEADS UP TO A WELL GROOMED HEAD, PANAMA ASKEW, ROLL-UP CIGARETTE DROOPING TO ONE SIDE OF HIS MOUTH. HE EXHALES SMOKE SLOWLY AND STAGGERS A LITTLE AS HE COMES TO A STANDSTILL.

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/S

So, I was there, waiting for my train right

CUT TO: SOLITARY BLINKING STREET LIGHT ILLUMINATING ONLY THE SMALL PATCH OF MIST
FLOATING AROUND IT’S LAMP…

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

It was dark, y’know, pitch black kinda night

CUT TO: OUR PROTAGONIST STANDING ALONE ON THE PLATFORM, ROLL-UP IN HAND.

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

And I’ve got such a headache, it was pounding, All my thoughts were blurring together, clouding

CUT TO: THE LENGTH OF THE TRACK, DARK AND FOGGY, IN THE DISTANCE THE SINGLE LAMP OF THE APPROACHING TRAIN, LIKE A WHITE PINPRICK.

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

Any semblence of reality into history, Where the train had got to, a mystery

SFX : THE DISTANT SOUND OF A TRAIN WHISTLE

CUT TO: OUR MAN PULLING HIS ROLL UP TO HIS MOUTH, DEEPLY INHALING AND SWAYING SLIGHTLY…

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

So there I stand, smokin’ my roll-up and swayin’

THE GRIMY FACE OF A TRAMP APPEARS BEHIND THE SHOULDER OF OUR MAN, HE APPEARS TO WHISPER CONSPIRATIVELY IN THE PROTAGONIST’S EAR.

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

And then there’s this bloke behind me sayin’ Don’t get on the third carriage, it’s not so nice

OUR MAN TURNS TO FACE HIS ADVISOR, BUT FINDS THE PLATFORM EMPTY

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

So I turn to tell him to mind his own business but he’s gone…

CUT TO: THE TRAIN APPROACHES AND PULLS IN AT THE PLATFORM, A LARGE NUMBER THREE ON THE CARRIAGE IN FRONT OF OUR MAN

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

And the train pulls in on a river of steam, And I look in through the window of carriage three and dream;

CUT TO: OUR MAN APPROACHES THE CARRIAGE WINDOW, INSIDE IT’S BLURRY, DRUNK BLURRY. BUT HE CAN MAKE OUT A FIGURE, SLOWLY SHARPENING…

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

That inside there’s this woman with open arms and red lips, Who wants to take me as the man inside loves gyrating hips…

THE IMAGE INSIDE THE CARRIAGE IS SHARPER NOW, A WOMAN, 1940’S STYLE LOUNGE SINGER. SHE’S BECKONING HIM IN, VOLUPTUOUSLY CARESSING HER BODY.

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

And be lost in a fantasy where I’m not so bloody useless,

NOW HE CAN SEE HIMSELF IN THE CARRIAGE WITH HER, KISSING HER NECK, SHE’S REMOVING HIS JACKET AND PUTTING HIS HAND TO HER BREAST.

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

At everythin, that I’m a fucking God and not such a messbBut there’s this breath on my neck, see,

CUT TO: OUR MAN TURNING AROUND TO LOOK AT THE PLATFORM BEHIND HIM, HIS HAND ON HIS NECK, WHERE A BREATH HAS BEEN, ALL THAT HE SEE’S IS MIST, LOOPING AND WINDING IT’S WAY ALONG THE PLATFORM…

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

Which reminds me, Of what that bloke said, So I ignore my fuzzy head

CUT TO: OUR MAN WALKING BACKWARDS WARILY AND MOVING ON TO THE NEXT CARRIAGE, AND TAKES ONE LAST LOOK BACK AS HE JUMPS INTO THE TRAIN.

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

And pass carriage three.

CUT TO: THE TRAIN PULLING AWAY FROM HIS HOME STATION. HE STANDS ALONE ON THE PLATFORM, DAY IS BREAKING AND AS CARRIAGE THREE PASSES HE BEGINS TO RUN…

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

I go home, filled with regret and too much gin…

THE TRAIN IS TOO FAST AND HE GIVES UP THE CHASE. HE STANDS ON THE VERY END OF THE PLATFORM WATCHING THE TRAIN DISAPPEAR INTO THE DISTANCE

PROTAGONIST/NARRATION O/C (CONT’D)

And I still wonder now, if I should’ve gone in…

FADE OUT.

Open on a close up shot of the actor. The subject is smiling, happy to tell his little tale…

ACTOR

Y’know, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a bloody fool wi’ women.

SMILES WARMLY

Would ye look at me? Am I not a fine figure of masculinity? Well, that’s one for the ladies to decide innit?

EYES FLICKER ERATICALLY (FASTER SHUTTER SPEED)

I’ve had varying degrees of success with the fairer sex. When I was a younger man…I was up to my neck in girls y’know?

LAUGHTER

They couldn’t get enough of me! Hehey! Stud I was…

(sombre)

But after years of snatch chasing, you have to look for more dontcha? Sommit more steady, that ‘commitment’ thing.

And that’s when I met her…Rose…

BITTER LAUGHTER

Rosey, sweet scented honeycomb wrapped in a cloak of glorious red… Dammit man! Was she an angel! I knew she wanted me, from the moment our eyes locked…in a kebab shop!

Of all the bloody places… So’s I took her home, and there she stayed.

SCREW HIS EYES UP LIKE HE’S TRYING TO FIND HER DEEP IN HIS MEMORY

Well, she was flippin’ gorgeous. So that’s how it was, for three beautiful years; me working…and I worked hard, ‘cos women like the money don’t they, they like nice things…

OPENS EYES

and she loved staying with me, loved it, loved me…I know ‘cos she told me all the time. She missed her folks I think…and sometimes, when they came on the news, cryin’ and shit, she’d say she wanted to see ‘em. But she couldn’t could she

SHAKES HIS HEAD EMPHATICALLY

people wouldn’t have understood, ’bout her and me…but we was just doing what people in love do yknow? being together… Well then she got knocked up, and things all went pear-shaped from then on…she didn’t know what was happenin’,

DISGUSTEDLY SHAKES HIS HEAD

Christ, her mother never even told her that… Anyways, she got sick, really sick…

TEARS START

..But I couldn’t get an ambulance could I? Not then, after all the stuff on the telly. They’d have taken her away, they’d have taken ‘em both away….

CRYING FREELY

So when…when the bleedin’ wouldn’t stop, and the kid came out limp and covered in her…It weren’t my fault, I loved her…and I held her, just…held her as she left me…and I begged her not to go. But she fuckin’ left anyway… But she forgave me, even as her eyes closed and she shut me out and left me, I knew she forgave me…. So I took her home then….

ACTOR PULLS FRANTICALLY AT HIS STRAIGHT JACKET AND SHOOTS TERRIFIED LOOKS AT THE SURROUNDING PADDED WALLS…HE’S CLEARLY UPSET

OFF CAMERA

Cough…!

ACTOR

(still distressed)

I took her home! I damn well took her home! And look where it got me?!

OFF CAMERA

Ssshhhh….

ACTOR

Calmer

In this place, the women still don’t understand me…but they will…

FADE OUT